Happy New Year. My intent was to write over New Years, starting a couple of minutes before midnight and writing through. Didn't work.

I have been bearing alot of anger in my heart over my departure from St Martin's. This anger was not readily available, but rather took several days to manifest itself in me. At my final vestry meeting, there were three other people, not vestry members present. The idea was for Marilyn to conduct Evening Prayer and for us to say our good-byes and then be off. It turns out that the three others present were our replacements. I have to say that I was greatly offended when I realized this. Why did the remaining members feel it necessary to nominate replacements before leaving? What would have happened if I decided not to leave?

When I received the December newsletter, I first turned to the page with the birthdays on it. Sure enough, mine was not listed. I have not made any formal move towards removing our membership at St Martin's. I won't until we are established at our next church.

When I took Richard to his piano lesson, I wanted to retrieve Kathy, Kayleigh, and Richard's name tags. Weren't there. Why? Have they been discarded? Are they locked away, waiting for our return? Truth to tell, even if we decided to return to the Episcopal Church, it would not be at St Martin's.

Before Christmas, again at Richard's piano lesson, I went to shake the hand of one of the members of the music team. I said Merry Christmas and was greeted with silence. I was hurt.

I laid bare this anger at Resurrection a couple of Sundays ago. I don't want to bear with this because it is counter to what God wants from me. A suggestion was made that when this anger rears its ugly head, I should thank God for our time there, and the relationships we had (and still have) with the members, for our work there. It's hard to do, but it works!

Page two: Yesterday, I could say that I am retiring next year. Today, I can say that I am retiring next month. I am scared. I have a great job. I love what I do. I enjoy those whom I work for and who work for me. I enjoy where I am working. While the pay is not the greatest, the benefits are pretty good. And I am willfully walking away from this. Am I crazy? Okay, the answer to that question is yes, but that's beside the point. I hope I don't wake up on Feb 21 (the day after my retirement ceremony) and ask myself, "What were you thinking?" Incidently, I started going thru the Purpose-Driven Life today. I should finish about a week before I retire. I am sure I will get an answer by then.

Happy New Year. Oh yeah, Merry Christmas, too. Good thing the Season is 12 days long!